Actual conversation that happened this weekend:
Me: OMG Miss DC looks like Heidi Montag!!
J: Before or after the plastic surgeries?
Me: ...between.
J: Before or after the plastic surgeries?
Me: ...between.
A and C and I started a tradition when we were roomies back in 2006: we watch the Miss America pageant in cocktail dresses and tiaras; we make each other sashes with snarky little titles on them (I'm still the reigning Miss Rubber City); we drink champagne and reveal hidden talents.
Sadly, we only lived together that one year, and the pageant party went dormant for a while.
It was resurrected in 2009 and we had such a kickass time that I vowed to make it an annual event! Unfortunately, the fete was sidelined again this year by my move to the big city. Between the move and starting the new job and a number of other distractions, I simply didn't have the time to do it justice. Instead of drinking champagne in my LBD, I'm drinking a Miller Lite in my Snuggie.
From this:
To this:
To maintain some semblance of tradition, then, I kept track of some of the things that ran through my head tonight. Enjoy...
- I want Clinton Kelly to be my boy-friend. (Read Bright Lights, Big Ass by the charming, disarming Jen Lancaster for a detailed description of the difference that one little hyphen can make.)
- Miss New Mexico looks like my friend Angela!!
- Shawn Johnson is absolutely poured into that dress.
- Rush Limbaugh? For realsies?
- Want Katie Harman's necklace. WANT.
- Hey, remember when Brooke White was relevant? No? Me neither.
- On adding a 15th finalist based on the votes of the remaining 39 girls: what. The. Crap. Good idea in theory... not so much with the execution. Did you see the deer in headlights look on the one girl's face? Which one? YES.
- Digging the soundtrack this year. Black Eyed Peas, Stevie Wonder, V Factory, Pat Monahan, a little Gaga fo' yo'self... nice work, pageant people. *EDITED TO ADD: ah, you lost me at Katy Perry.
- Note to self for the swimsuit shopping this year: black bikinis look too much like underwear from far away.
- HA HAA: the peanut gallery is standing out of order... yay, Miss Nebarska!! *snort*
- I-ro-ny (n., ahy-ruh-nee): a pageant contestant telling me that looks aren't important and that what matters is what's on the inside.
- What's with the bicycle bell between each of the evening dresses?
- She tripped! Dear God, MISS TEXAS TRIPPED!
- Was it just me, or could you totally see RIGHT UP Ericka Dunlap's (2004 winner) dress? Let's do our best not to tarnish the crown, sweetie.
- I love how the talents are the "Pop-Up Video" portion of the show. She's a ballerina... and her goal is to become a pediatric heart surgeon! She performed at the Apollo Theater in NYC... and at Obama's inauguration festivities! She's an opera singer... and she wants to get her motorcycle license!
Me: Miss Hawaii is doing the hula for her talent!?
J: ...she would.
Aw. Love that guy.
- Miss Kentucky may or may not be a python. Wouldja look at the mouth on that girl!
- Am I drunk again, or do they really have Joe-on-the-street characters asking the final questions?
- Her? Really!?
So there you have it. Polish your tiara and practice your tap dancing and baton twirling, because next year's competition is going to be a doozy!
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2 comments:
God. I'm OBSESSED with pageants. I blame it on the fact that my parents clearly didn't love me enough to put me in them as a child.
I found your blog through a search for "Nebarska." I wondered whether I wasd one of the few who caught that. From an emailI sent to a friend:
I watched it ONLY because I accidentally dropped my cable remote into my cocktail earlier
this week and now can't change the channel without getting up. The TV was on that
channel and I never changed it as I was puttering around.
The most interesting moment was that Miss Nebraska's friends were sitting out of order
(or were stupid), and held up individual letter placards supporting "Miss Nebarska."
Nice to know it wasn't just me. Cheers!
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