"Congratulations, Universe: you win."*

I was thinking about the blog this weekend, and it occurred to me that I may come across as a bit of a complainer from time to time, and that is really not the intention.  It's kind of the opposite, actually.  I love my life and I love my 30s and I'm happy and lucky to be here and not dead or institutionalized or in jail after some of the crazy shit I pulled in my 20s.  

BUT.

Sometimes, the Universe leaves me no choice but to add to the List.  

You know which list I'm talking about.  

Everyone has one.  People who say otherwise are just big fat lying liars who lie.  I'm talking about the running tally you keep in your head of the people, places, things and circumstances that just drive you right over the edge.  

Nervous Nelly snow drivers, for one (except you Deena, hugs & kisses!).  Movie talkers, for another. And these two winners from the weekend... read on:

1.  Random girl in a tube top in March:  Sweetie:  no.  I know it's sunny out.  We're all happy to see some sunshine after what feels like forever in the gray gloom of a Midwest winter.  It is still entirely too early in the season for your sartorial choice.  I almost had to commit my own fashion faux pas of sunglasses indoors to protect my corneas from the glare off your pasty shoulders.

There are two types of people who wear their sunglasses indoors:  blind people and a-holes.  Which are you?

Play nice and cover those up until April, please.  Or, if you must leave the house like that, allow me to introduce you to my friend self-tanner (although you may want to avoid the Corey Hart Oompa Loompa look, above).  

 

2.  Jay-rusalem & Silent Bible:  Ladies, I can appreciate that you're into your church.  Fine.  Good for you.  If you catch me in the right mood and environment, sure, I'll talk faith with you.  The shoe department at Target?  Is not the right environment.  If you're speaking to me here, it better be to compliment my taste in footwear.  Otherwise:  pipe down.

And the Lord saw the woman's choice of shoes, and He was pleased.

Hrmph.

Tomorrow:  less snark, more sass.  There is too a difference!

*Jim Halpert (John Krasinski), The Office, "The Return" (Season 3, Episode 13)