An open letter

Dear white collar workers of America (more specifically, of my office),

We're not here to make new BFFs.  It certainly helps that we all get along, of course:  after the Mean Girls-esque office I just left, I'm telling you God's honest truth when I say that I appreciate your humor and good nature more than the average bear.  

We don't all have to be sleepover friends who will braid each other's hair and stay up late prank-calling the boys we like. We do, however, need to respect each other's space, and that's what drives me to write this letter. 

I'm glad you feel you can come in to visit while you're on maternity leave.  Who doesn't love to see a brand new little munchkin (if only to renew her gratitude for her currently child-free lifestyle)?  You look fabulous, by the way, and who wouldn't?  Three months away from the office would do anyone a bit of good. 

A lot has changed in your absence; most notably, the renovations are complete and we've moved into our new space, affectionately known as the cube farm.  Bear in mind, please, that although our new walls stop about four feet short of the ceiling, our cubicles are still our offices.  And while you are on a break from your responsibilities here, the rest of us are not... plus, some of us are picking up your slack.  

When you gather with a group at my cube wall for a loud, lengthy conversation about the baby's sleeping habits and eating habits and how your husband tries God bless him ha ha ha, you are not magically made invisible by the metal and plywood between us.  You are less than three feet away from me; I can see you, and moreover, I can hear you, and so can the person on my phone who actually stopped midsentence to ask "...is that a baby crying?  Where are you?"

The bottom line is that while your little guy is certainly darling and yes, you are fortunate to have a healthy, happy child... not everyone is as fascinated by him as you are.  Congratulations again on the baby; now please go home and enjoy the rest of your leave. 

Sincerely,

Rach

An aside to any potentially offended readers:  yes, I know that maternity leave is not "vacation."  Being a mom is a bigger job than anything I'm doing here, and can be more thankless as well... but if your home is your office, you don't see me bringing files into the baby's nursery to return phone calls and hold open office hours...